Teddy Grahams

Teddy Grahams are good. Chocolate, in this case. But they don't get things done for you, unfortunately. I drove back from Hutchinson this afternoon: three hours of planning how much I was going to get done tonight and this week. I've now been home for four and a half hours...and all I have are some rough lesson plans for my classes tomorrow. I'm hungry, but I have no food. I want Arby's, but I have no coupons. I want Arby's, but I feel guilty for wanting fast food. So I've been eating Teddy Grahams and some green beans. I'm waiting for Jedsen to stop by on his way back to Lenexa. He wants to get Dunkin' Donuts, as usual. I love Dunkin' Donuts, but I want real food. What is real food? I read a whole book on it: Michael Polan's In Defense of Food. And here I am still wanting and eating non-food. I saw calves--lots of calves--in the fields along I-70, and it made me want to be a vegetarian. But what do you eat when you're a vegetarian? It means no more Arby's or McDonald's or Burger King or sandwiches. It means lots of lettuce?

That's not the point. The point is that I need to get all of these things done, and I can't concentrate because I'm thinking about wanting food. I even watched Means Girls on tv as I put away laundry and apologized to Snickers for spending the weekend with five other cats. The anxiety to start on things is still there. The anxiety is the root of the problem, but the anxiety is a symptom of the larger problem...which is....

lack of good food, lack of exercise, and lack of sleep. How do I fix that? How do you fix an entire system that is broken? This is where I want a coach to come in and take control of my life. This is where I have to take control of my life: something that I've tried to do again and again. School and work become the excuses for not.

And here I am complaining about it instead of doing something about it. Oh, head. Oh, stomach. Oh, cold.