Halfway

There's a swelling inside, a warming outward. No kicks yet, but pressure. We are halfway: 20 weeks today.

The heartburn has begun. I came in after spreading mulch in the garden two weeks ago and felt it so strong that Phillip looked it up. "Were you bending over a lot?" he asked. "A lot," I said. Doing so made the acid rise, he said. He went and got me two kinds of heartburn medicine. Now I can't bend over more than a few times, and each evening I feel it throb, softer.

And some of the fatigue has returned. I'm tired in the middle of the day again. Drowsy, but even this weekend when I succumb to it I can't actually fall asleep. At night I'm dependent on Unisom to sleep through the night even if I'm exhausted.

But, as I've been telling everyone who asks, I can't complain. This is not me complaining, just recording the experience.

I succumbed to buying maternity pants this weekend because, though the belly band held my jeans up without being buttoned, my fly only zips halfway these days and slips when I sit. To be honest, I like the all-in-one band-to-pant that I don't have to keep adjusting. I'm embracing a new wardrobe, slowly.

I'm leaning in. Trying to switch from sleeping on my back to my side. Trying to be okay with a double chin. Trying to imagine how our house will be different in four-and-a-half months, with a little life always inside.