Feeling

I've found that I get so excited to write that it's hard to do the actual writing. I'm planning out my thesis, and there's all this pressure. I actually have to write it all. It all has to come out of me. And this anxiety doesn't help. In fact, it's quite hindering. Still trying to find my antidote for anxiety. My chest just closes, and the tingles rise from my chest to my head. It's hard for anything to get through there. It makes me tired and dread doing things that include thinking. Which includes writing and grading, both which I must do tonight.

So I try and distract myself by watching NCAA basketball. It's not working. But at least KU won. I'm rooting for all Big 12 teams. I always feel bad for the losing team. I always want to hug them. Which is weird.

I tried to take a bath to calm down. I tried. My bathtub slowly drains the water. The hot water only lasts for the first three inches. It's not really a bath. Here, it's sitting in a few inches of lukewarm water for about five minutes. I should stop trying.

I'm getting into shape. I'm losing this fat. I don't weigh that much more than I used to, but I feel so different. It's all around my midsection and thighs and bum. I'm too tired to be out of shape. I bought new Nikes, lovely Nikes, last night at Sports Authority. And Jedsen got some real tennis shoes. Then we played tennis. You should shop at Sports Authority. They are the nicest people. Great people in Chicago and Overland Park. Great deals. Great shoes. Shoes rub my heels. These new ones are slightly rubbing my left heel, but there has yet to be breakage of skin. Hopefully there won't be. I haven't had a non-heel-bleeding pair of shoes since my favorite Reeboks in middle school.

Oh, this doesn't feel good.