Exploration

Lately I have been all movement and no rest. A month, actually, today, that I've been moving daily, to somewhere, with someone: Scooter. I adopted Scooter a month ago today, this 35-pound adorable retriever/sharpei mix that stole my heart on a Sunday morning walk session with the dogs at the Humane Society. I had him by Wednesday. It was all very sudden. And this month has been a blur. 6:30 walks around downtown, insisting "no, no, no" to everything Scooter tries (and usually succeeds) to eat from the sidewalk. (I never knew there were so many stray bones laying around out there--but I guess dead animals end up somewhere for someone to eat?) Evening walks. Countless trips up and down the 3 flights of stairs (though it only took 2 days for Scooter to succeed at house training). A month of busy weekends and busy weeknights. I lost track of reading, of talking to anyone but myself. How do you manage your time with a dog? How do you give him plenty of time but still maintain a sane self-life and friend-life? Haven't figured that out yet.

Today is a comp day. A bonus day off. A free Friday. I'm at Panera, reading. I ate a real breakfast and drank hot chocolate. I am thinking about what I want to do. Because I should want to do something, right? The original plan was to take Scooter to the beach for a day or two, but Snickers has an infection and needs medication every day. I couldn't decide where to go anyway.

Restlessness. How many times have I mentioned that here? I want/need to be going somewhere all of the time. I want to explore. Yet I want to relax. I want to read. I want to write. I want to be still. How do you be still while still exploring? I have about 7 hours until my one commitment for the day. What do I do with it beyond these 2 hours at Panera? Greenville? No, I don't need anything there. Charlotte? I would only want to go to IKEA, and I don't need anything there. Asheville? Would be lovely, and I've been wanting to go to that fish lunch place again downtown, but otherwise it would just be shopping. A hike? I feel like it's too late in the day to start. That might be the agenda for tomorrow. That or a day trip to the beach if it's not too cool. And that's my exploration list.

I think back to a year ago when I was somewhere else every Saturday. A different mountain. A different town. Just me. That was my happy, my release. I haven't found a release yet this year. I haven't found the thing to look forward to. I want to go everywhere and nowhere. I want to do everything and nothing. I want to sleep and move. I want to be alone and connect. But the thing is last year I was keeping track. This year, not so much. The blur is a blur. What are my benchmarks? What are my highlights? What are my loves?

I think I'm moving in a month, hopefully to a duplex. A quiet, larger duplex a block from a lake just a few miles south of where I am now. From a box to a near-standalone in a wooded neighborhood. With a dog and a cat. Without Jedsen, still. Without him, until who knows when.

But life is good, if not stressful, if not confusing, if not quick. Life is good. It is Friday.

Lost and Found

I'm everywhere and nowhere these days. Can't keep up with everything. But there have been changes and adventures that I hope i'll return to tell you all about soon.

Love from Kari, Snickers, and Scooter